When Mother's Day is complicated

My children are wonderful. I view them the same way many mothers view their children. They are my favorite people. They are, after all, my people in the most personal sense possible. One day recently, I saw a photo of one of my kids and I thought, “I made that person. I do good work.”

Today, on Mother’s Day, I have a few observations to share related to Mother's Day. As an adult, I have come to realize that, sometimes, the people your children become is not only not what you expected but seems to be a contradiction to your personal values. I also understand that not everyone has a mother, has a relationship with their mother, or is a mother. Those situations can be isolating. Mother's Day isn't a great day for everyone.

Some of my friends are grieving mothers. In my own thinking about what makes a mother and what being a mother means, I find shortcomings. Being a mother is more than actively caring for a child. For my friends who have lost pregnancies and children, Mother’s Day is for you, too, if you want it to be. I honor your place as a mother.

I have friends who are grieving their own mothers. Their mothers are not present for one reason or another. Friends, I celebrate you this Mother’s Day. I am an excellent listener and will commiserate about or celebrate your relationship, depending on your preference.

Some friends wanted to be mothers but life didn't present the opportunity. Others are separated from their children. I see you and I feel your pain or disappointment or resolve. 

Like me, some friends have a broken relationship with their mothers. For you, I offer my understanding and acceptance. You are my compatriots on this holiday.

Fortunately, I have children of my own who still tell me they love me. They still tell me about their days. They view me as their mother and an indispensable part of their young lives. I love them and am thankful for them every day.

To my friends who find Mother’s Day difficult, uncomfortable, or painful; you are not alone and I love you.